When gifts turn to dust, sincere words and true feelings are all that remain. Sadly though, halfway through cookie baking and card-making, i lost the drive to continue. Simply put, i just had nothing left in the tank to put into these cards/cookies/gifts. My friends know me as someone who'd put thought and heart into my gifts, hating to give out meaningless trinkets or useless dust-collecting paperweights. And so, true to current form, i doubt i've ever given out so little love over christmas ever.
Seeing no point in writing the customary card, i decided that if i didn't really want to write a card, i shan't waste my time making/writing/sending out a card which meant nothing. Sadly though, I had planned to make something like 10 cards but only a couple were made/sent out. and for the 20 pple i made cookies for only 6 packs got to friends whom i had time to see. I had planned to get 15 presents, but only gave 5. To be fair, the 10 cards i had planned were NOT customary. It's just that, after pondering across what seemed like years, i just didn't have any inspiration with words nor card-ideas that were real about how i truly felt and wished for whomever i was writing to. Better send out 3 sincere cards than write 50 customary 'merry christmases' with some christmas motif with no love or real affection.
Sorry friends..i've just been pretty down in the dumps. But really, the apologies should go to myself since more than any friend who's happy to receive a card, i am the happier one making and giving them.
having said that, i still had a busy christmas season. Christmas eve was spent at my uncles' and then went caroling with daniel, before settling at Daniel's place for afters till 11 or so, and then rushing to church for christmas mass at BSC (ry was kind enough to answer my desperate call.., and during which, bro sent some love over the airwaves). Met ruo and chriss the next afternoon(supposed to be morning) to say merry christmas, before heading to bishan for christmas lunch (was teatime by the time i arrived) with the cousins. I spend dinnertime with one melancholy C at Swissotel the stamford. We shared a beef salami and mushroom pizza and some calamari which were good. I'd say that after all these years, level 71 was still a nice place to look over the night lights of Singapore.
Now that christmas has passed by, i spent today playing soccer, when it rained halfway. Half downhearted (wasted my time getting there), half glad (since i truly had no mood), i showered and took a trip to town with soccer guys for dinner and window shopping..
and then i'll come home for a 1 hour nap, and wake up to some left-over chilli crab and fried rice from last night, before heading out to the small park outside for some reflection and music. The moon is so beautiful tonight. Without doing it justice, it was like an incandescent child trying to hide it's brilliance behind the translucent curtains of the wispy clouds.
may tomorrow come swiftly.
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